My Baby?

So, to break some of the silence from the last few weeks here is a picture that came up on my facebook page from a little person I know quite well:

Golly, I had to keep looking at it for a few seconds, examining if THAT person was the same person as this little girl:

Before I know it she'll be in high school, more independent than what she already is, surely breaking some hearts (and she best be certain I'll be sure to be on her back regarding proper interactions with the opposite sex!)..

But, in the meantime, I am missing her more than words can express! Nearing a year now since last being with her in person... and praying she sorrounds herself with good friends in the meantime.

I'll be passing along this link to her, although I am doubtful how reading her sister's thoughts compares to her new ipod touch ;)..

A Christmas Run-down!

I do lament I wasn't able to post some lovely commemorative post regarding Christmas but before I knew it a few days had already passed! There are far more wise and insightful people that wrote lovely lovely things regarding Christmas (One of my favorite "blog reads" is here: The Strangeness of Christ (by author Ryan Duns SJ ) so I thank God I am blessed enough to read and share it! 


An excerpt from this great blog post is the following:

".....My belief about Jesus, put into its simplest form, is that he is God's Love made flesh, Love that is vulnerable, the Love whose effervescent presence emboldens women and men to risk being the persons they are called to be. I believe that Jesus Christ is the act of God's creation made present in human history. I believe that Jesus is the fruit of Mary's "Yes" to God's friendship, that Jesus is the result of humanity's "Yes" to God's "Yes" to humanity. I believe Jesus is simultaneously the Word and Deed of God written into human history. I believe that the sin of humanity reacted - and continues to react - violently to the presence of this Love in our midst and that we killed him. I believe, finally, that the Resurrection shows us the depths of God's love for us, shows us that God's way is one of restoration and life rather than vengeance and death. I believe that we are, as Christians, called to follow the path of the Risen Christ."


Christmas this year was certainly different. Different to be so far from things I hold so dear, different (and difficult) to not see my parents and embrace them, different to not be at my home parish for Midnight Mass, (despite how terribly messy it is every year! But that's its charm!)! But somewhere along the "different" I found myself with a most familiar silence, a most familiar silence of God's presence and goodness, that was not different at all and how glad I was! There is so much more I could say but I am blessed, and I was blessed to have attended a messy Christmas Day Mass with a classmate from college that lasted about 20 minutes, blessed to have been with folks, family, who hadn't spent Christmas with me in 10 years, blessed that He is with us, blessed I know this and blessed I can have the joy in sharing this.


Anyhow, here's a quick Christmas "run-down" in photographs, from past and recent blessings!


Much more writing to come soon! Merry Christmas!

Christmas 2011- My brother Benedict and I

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2009- Little Ms. Gonzalez

Christmas 2008; My empty home parish after Midnight Mass

Christmas 2006- With the great company of some SJ's!

Silly Face

Recent Skype Snapshot-Little Ms. Gonzalez

The little face of this wondrous creature is the one I shall be missing very very much this holiday season! Sure, ask my parents and they'll easily say that even at 13 she's the reason for many of their headaches but I thank God it's all with boundaries that I pray she'll never pass. She is lively, funny, sarcastic, and a very obvious extrovert. In many ways it's as if my parents got opposite personality types with their two girls... but to me that's the most fun!

Talk of Old Men......

 

 

My grandparents. L-R: Mom's mom & dad's parents

Today (well Sunday) I spent some time having a meal/day together with my grandparents. To say the least, each of them is quite the character! Often while in St. Louis I thought I had greatly missed out in bonding with them as a child and establishing a more solid relationship and memories with them. Although I can never get those 10 years back I don't think it's too late to find out who these people who raised my parents are. In fact, I hold each of them very near my heart, particularly my grandmothers who both have such brilliant stories regarding faith, sacrifice and marriage.

To write about each of them would take probably a few posts but today, something struck me quite loudly about an understanding between them and the people my parents are. To be more specific something struck me between who my grandfather is and who my dad is now.

My grandfather has never been one to claim religion as something for him. It's something quite obvious for anyone who engages in a conversation with him, even if for only 5 minutes. He is hesitant to use the word "God", instead boasting of the the dependance we ought to have in nature, usually by followed by an encouragement to visit the cabin he owns in a nearby town in the woods. He has been this way all his life, working on the trucking business, seeing his kids grow up on weekends between jobs, never stepping a foot in a church unless forced.It's been a whole life of such mentality and conviction regarding religion, God and the Catholic Church. I write this in no sense to be critical or uncharitable, I love him dearly and God has been so good to us as to allow for his health to be so good at nearly 90.

However, as facts stand I've grown to understand a bit more of the background my dad had growing up. The faith arrived from his mother most surely and he never saw his father take an active role in raising them, or an active role as a faith leader .My father is a wonderful man, however I've seen traces of very active criticism for the Church, and a few times flavors of anti-clericalism growing up. After spending the day with my grandfather my dad's faith journey was really hugely highlighted for me.

Again, this is a much much longer story, already so limited by my perspective of daughter. However, as of recent months, year, my dad has shown initiatives in spiritual growth that never in my life had I seen. Compared with the figure my grandfather is, and even most of uncles, it is that much more beautiful and joyful for me. Today, a few hours after seeing my grandfather and politely smiling as he spoke of priests chasing after girls and other similar "pleasant" comments, I received a phone call from my dad in St. Louis sharing with me his enrollment as a future knight in the first meeting of the Knights of Columbus in my home parish and further discernment and enthusiasm with this group.  I could hardly believe what he was telling me over the phone and yet there is a great great hope in me that he can grow in the openness and change of heart I've heard in the past few months. I can only keep encouraging him through words and prayers; in offering up the sadness it is to not have them with me.

What greater gift could I receive than to be able to witness a few hints of my dad's greater receptiveness and openness to God? Isn't that the whole purpose of a Christian life? To love and be loved by God and to respond in this love...  Praised be God for all of it!

On Stregth...

My mother. My mother is great. My mother is a great woman, she is the fullness of constancy and sturdiness. My mother is a woman, with all the ties of strength, cleverness, self-sacrifice and many times "bluntness" the word woman can take. She is a powerful thing for her small frame and stature.  She is vibrant and joyful, she is beautiful and reminds ME of what youthfulness, of what happiness is when my sometimes shy, careful, pensive and worried personality impeads this.

Sometimes, particularly back home, I would wonder who again was in her late teens.She has a huge expectation and enthusiasm for things. I am CERTAIN she enjoys a good party/dance (yes, think more like salsa) more than I. I miss her, I miss her greatly.

Her strength amazes me and puts me to shame. In moments I feel so broken and lonely, particularly since the move she is a "commander-like" figure that, in blunt words (she is a sour-sweet mixture), tells me how ungrateful I am being with God, how little I believe in myself and Him while still being humble enough to share her own pains and sadness as an example. Like I said, her strength puts me to shame. Even when I've shared with her dark and sad moments the next day her smile completely lights up the room, never hinting at the turmoil she may have just underwent.

I find a great consolation in the humility that I can learn much from her, and indeed do. I also find consolation in throwing all these worries and weaknesses unto God and Him picking me up as His beloved daughter, well aware of my lack of faith,sadness and fears. None of it matters really.

These two quotes, I believe, do a great job at expressing this sentiment:

Consider all the past as nothing, and say, like David: Now I begin to love my God.
-Saint Francis de Sales

 If we are, in fact, now occupied in good deeds, we should not attribute the strength with which we are doing them to ourselves. We must not count on ourselves, because even if we know what kind of person we are today, we do not know what we will be tomorrow.
-Saint Gregory the Great

Mom and part of the family in a 2009 Chicago Trip-see, look at that smile!

Until Soon! Peace of Christ,