Impatient and Imperfect Pilgrim

I tend to be impatient. I am impatient with time, with God and I am most impatient with myself. Impatience may be a bittersweet gift of my youth, a gift I often toy with. 

A small vignette of this summer could very well look like a young woman (me) flipping endlessly through her calendar, sitting a bit stiffly and sighing often. The irony? While this woman waits for August to arrive for graduate school, a larger part of her fears it.

Weeks before graduation I anticipated a summer full of science, family and some needed therapeutic work on my anxiety. However, as so painfully evident by this blog, my plans rarely seem to come to full fruition so here I stand trying to be grateful for the mixed bag given to me. 

I have between 10-20 hours weekly as your local barista and cashier. I keep reminding myself, through the great example of my parents' own life worth ethic, that I am deeply blessed for having a job at all. Mind you, your local barista (in training) is still the young woman in that vignette. 

In the greater point of things, I am starting to realize that it is okay to be in the shoes of the scared young woman once more. It is okay to think I am a little nuts to move across the country when just a few years back I was able to reunite with my family. Truman State was only a three hour drive, University of North Carolina is a 2 hour flight.

After The Storm...

It has been a long time since I have written anything via blog world. For those years I'd read back through old posts and thought that God taken away any shred of creative ability. I quite literally felt I could not create anything. The spirit, hope and pursuit I saw in those words, in that woman, was lost. And I mean not dormant nor out for holiday, but dead. How could I have ever believed I could create beauty and reflect truth?

I am starting to be open to the idea that maybe I was wrong. I am starting to slowly come back to believe I am a creator, or at least a co-creator. So here I am. Twenty-four but feeling none the wiser than that perky, enthusiastic and hopeful 20-year old that wrote a few years back. So dear friends, forgive if this gal in her mid-twenties is a tiny more cynical about the world but know she is trying. With God's grace I can re-discover that creative beauty within me and outside of me.