Honestly, I noticed this blog was (still) listed on my Instagram page and I felt a bit embarrassed that I hadn't touched it in years and this is why I am back.
I love the old posts, some over 10 years old, because it is a time-capsule of the young woman I was and where I came before my current self. What privilege to watch part of your own constant "becoming" and birth. What privilege to learn about the dead and saints in their own labor pains towards more fullness of self.
Science is darn beautiful but rarely it is poetic and personal-not in the technical articles that are the bread and butter of my life for the past few years. I know that is why my poetry collection has grown so much in the last 2-3 years-a quick fix of the sacred and beautiful within words and language.
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So here is quick recap of the past 4 years.
-I left my spot at the PhD program back in 2017-the one written about July 2017. I left the golden ticket, the prize of 6 years of work of undergrad and two countries completing that degree. I left because brokenness entered my life in a new way through a season debilitating depression-the good potent season where I learned, in the flesh, how people can become "shells" of themselves through the disease-where pleasures become unbearable tasks and where the guilt of the stigma eats you alive. Honest time? I was there less than 2 months, although the unbearable season had begun weeks before moving and peaked a month or so in.
-I found a wonderous lad, online, in 2018 and traveled to northen Iowa more times than I care to remember! Long-distance is no joke all you hopefully lovers 💨💨. This long distance ended exactly a year ago and well, thanks be to God!
-I entered a PhD, after > 90% rejection rate in my applications, in Ohio in 2020. I am resolved to study the brain and diseases which caused me to let go of the "better" PhD program in 2017. I also moved during a global pandemic and moved by myself. I'll spare you the mental anguish narrative there 😷
-Spiritually, I've been entering a season of "blessed are the mourning", Lady of Sorrows thing and I feel like I am in the Catholic emo phase. Although I think that's going to be a forever thing 😅😅
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